Me 24M with my complicated love 24F

Tl;Dr; Me(24M) with my complicated lost love ( 24F)

I love a girl very much. Actually this story is very long and complicated too. When I was in class 8th, I felt like befriending a girl. I asked her out but she did not reply and then I became totally obsessed as to why I am not getting a reply.

After some time another girl came into my life through long distance online. We both became friends and we used to talk a lot amongst ourselves. She understood me very well and I understood her very well.We talked about 5 years... But I was still obsessed with that first girl. Now I started feeling bad for this girl that she respects me so much and I have all this for some other girl.

So I talked to one of my friends and he told me that sometimes when we are confused about decisions, we should take any decision and we will come to know whether it was right or wrong.

Then I did the same, I gave the love letter to the first girl and after doing this I felt very regretful and I realized that I do not love her, I am just obsessed. Then I regretted it and told my online friend that there is a girl I wanted to be friends with for a long time.

So what she did,she went and chatted with her online and she told her everything that I had given the letter. And now she came to me and said why did you do this.

And at that time something very bad happened to me in my life at home and I was very stressed because of it and in all this...this happened, so now I regretted it and thought that I am not worthy of anything. And I started ignoring my beloved friend who was dearer than my life. I blocked her from everywhere knowing how much pain she would have to go through as she would not be able to live without me. Then I remained depressed for a whole year, negative thoughts would come to my mind. Every moment I just felt like dying.

Then I decided that I cannot forget her and I will make myself worthy of her. I worked hard for a year just by remembering her and made myself worthy of her. And when I tried to come back in her life, she was no longer the same as before. After the trauma she inflicted, she had completely changed. Now she said that she could not come near me. Now those things could not happen between us. I met her face to face for the first time and cried in front of her, but now she had become like a stone. It did not matter at all. Now I could not do anything. She had completely forgotten me. I know that she still loves me. I apologized to her a lot, cried and pleaded, but now none of this meant anything.

She is a very nice girl and I still love her very much. She has blocked me from everywhere. The only way to contact her was her phone number but now she says she will change her number. I pray for her a lot and I want her back in my life. I can't live without her. Can someone tell me what should I do? What I did in the past I regret it cordially and now want to rectify my mistakes. tl;dr; what should I do