Years of anxiety - I’m sick of it

Hi all. I’ve been reading a ton of posts in this group but wanted to share how I’m feeling. I got my license at 17. I LOVED to drive. I would go on solo roadtrips, drive all of my friends and would drive every single day. I’m almost 30 now and a couple of years ago, I started having anxiety (or panic I’m not sure) attacks while driving out of NOWHERE. I would get hot and sweaty, my vision would blur and I would almost black out. When it happened over the 520 bridge in Seattle, I decided I wouldn’t drive freeways anymore.

For a year I took backroads everywhere even if it took 3 times longer. I was happy with it because I still could go where I wanted to. Then one day, I had a complete panic driving to work. I could hardly breathe, I was crying and again almost blacked out. I sold my car and stopped driving all together.

Then I was a proud public transit girly. I went everywhere, even work, on a bus or lightrail. On a whim, I decided I was going to drive again. So I bought a car (which I reluctantly make payments on now) and started driving to work. I work 5 minutes from home and it’s always easy. But anywhere more than 15 minutes away, especially into the city or on the highway, sends me into a panic.

I’m going on three years of having this intense anxiety and I feel so stuck and stupid for experiencing it. I just tried to drive to an interview 15 minutes away and before I even made it halfway, I was sobbing and shaking. There’s been no specific event or accident that caused this anxiety. Driving used to be my solitude and safe space. Now I can’t even think of doing a roadtrip or anything on my own.

Everyone keeps saying “just keep trying little by little and you’ll get better”. But I’ve done that. And it’s slowly getting worse. I want to sell my car and never drive again. I feel hopeless.