Enough with people speaking too loudly in quiet public places, sharing way too many details when telling a story, or laughing at something on their phone until those around you basically have to ask what’s so funny

Speaking too loudly: You’ve not only fucked with the atmosphere, but you’ve included me in this endeavor. I’m complicit now. Notice how I’m responding to everything you say in hushed tones - this is me telling you to shut the fuck up.

Sharing too many details: Literal Purgatory simulation. I can feel my skin getting hot the longer your story goes. If something is genuinely interesting, go ahead and give me a play-by-play, but I don’t need to know every facet of why you purchased a yellow harness for your dog instead of a green one. Now it’s on me to “that’s crazy” my way into you hopefully getting the hint.

Laughing out loud at your phone: Advanced annoying coworker behavior. We know you’re trying to show me a video of Jimmy Kimmel doing the griddy. Keep it to yourself please.

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If everyone could just stop doing these three things, life would be considerably better!