I don't think my boyfriend loves me

I'm kinda sad and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend's birthday is coming up soon and I asked him what he wanted as a gift and he said nothing that costs money. I suggested I could make a painting for him about anything he wants. He straight up said he doesn't want garbage cluttering his gaming room. I'm so heartbroken. Painting was my joy but I basically gave up on my hobby because he said it's a useless hobby and everything I make is garbage. I made a teddy bear for him earlier in a sewing class. He keeps on his desk and I thought he liked it because I made it but he said he would throw it in the trash but because it would upset me so he won't. He knows I struggle with my mental health and I'm autistic so emotions are difficult for me and it's hard to express that I'm hurt. I just cry alone in another room and pretend everything is okay when I'm literally hanging on a thinnest thread. I'm only with him because I'm afraid no one would ever love me, not even him but he "tolerates" me. We've been together for 4 years and we've had our ups and downs, mostly downs. I don't really have anyone else in my life because he doesn't like other people in our house, that I pay rent for and he's just freeloading here without a job. I don't have a job either, I live on bare minimum and on social security. I barely leave my house anymore because I'm so broken and depressed. My boyfriend says that I'm not attractive so that's also a big reason why I don't go outside. I don't know what to do...