I am stuck in a miserable loop and it's never going to change

I have been going through this stupid fucking loop since I was thirteen. I make friends, I form a friendgroup, everything is good for a while. I find somebody in said friendgroup to date and all is well. Then we split. Then it falls apart. I do something stupid or I say something stupid and suddenly I'm losing everyone I hold close to me. I attempt. It doesn't work. I hurt myself and then eventually stop when I get caught. I live my miserable fucking life clinging onto anyone who spares me some attention and do everything I can to keep them close. Then I run away by switching schools or moving.
Lather, rinse, repeat. This has happened 4 fucking times now. Sometimes I miss a few steps and make a recovery, but in the end it always ends the same for me. I lose people. Or I relapse, or I just fuck up in a way that causes irreversible damage to a relationship.
I'm so insanely tired of it. Nothing I've done works because it always ends up in the same situation. I'm miserable, struggling to get out of bed and convince myself that there's a reason for me to stay alive. Sure, it eventually disappears, but it never fully leaves and will always come back to make me miserable again.
There is no better word to describe my life other than miserable.
I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being this type of person and I'm tired of going through this loop. I'm tired of being mean and upset and angry at everybody. I don't want to put in effort anymore, I don't want to do anything. I can't skip school because I've missed too much. I can't just run away like back in middle school because that's not how it works.
And on top of that, I'm fucking disabled now. I've developed hip dysplasia and I have to walk with a cane so my leg won't give out like it did without it. I hate it. I hate everything. I don't want to sound like a whiny little pissbaby about it but I don't know what else to do. I'm so insanely angry at everything and there isn't a way for me to get that anger out.
Fuck my life. Fuck this.