Has anyone gone into a psychotic break from CPTSD?

TW for talks of CSA, trafficking, verbal and physical abuse.

I do also want to preface that I am diagnosed with bipolar 1, and I was unmedicated for nearly two years at this point, so I think that also contributed to it.

I’ve struggled with hypersexuality and vaginal pain since I was at least 4 years old, but my memory is very spotty. My family claims I went to a doctor, but they never checked me properly and just brushed it off as “growing pains”. My mother was my main abuser, physically, verbally and neglectful. My aunt was secondary, physically and emotionally. These were the traumas I had more memory of ( even if just a little ), and I focused more on. The vaginal pain and hypersexuality was in the back of my head, I chalked it up to early exposure to adult content and just being weird.

As an adult, I had a friend asked if I was sexually abused earlier than what I remember ( as I was sexually assaulted as a kid, but WAY after the previous symptoms ). This turned into a spiral, and for the next 4 years I went back and forth of whether I was or whether I was not. When talking to a friend about the stuff my mother did, I asked out loud “how could she afford her drugs, but not to take care of the house and me?” Then, I heard a voice that said “You know why”, I immediately went into one of the worse dissociation spells I’ve had. It felt like my body shot upwards into the ceiling and I couldn’t breathe all of the sudden. I don’t recall what happened after the next 30 or so minutes, but afterwards, there was a shooting pain in my arm and my knees felt like they couldn’t be popped, it was hard to walk. My memory was even more horrible for the next week, I was fatigued, I was disoriented, confused about where I was and who I am. When I tried to tell someone about this, my mouth would refuse to move and I couldn’t even text it.

This started another spiral. I began untrusting people. I felt like the world was a play, and I was just some actor. My family, they were hiding a secret from me and were trying to keep me from finding out, so I thought ( I still don’t know if this is the case or not ). It extended to coworkers, I started thinking my coworkers were in on it, the regular people I saw walking around, they must be in on it. My friends as well. It felt like everyone knew some secret about me and was holding it from me, and hurting me to prevent me from accessing the truth. When I look back at my messages, the way I talked was…out of control. I finally got put on medication and eventually, those thoughts and behaviors settled down.

I still do not know if maybe I had accessed a memory I forgotten, or if my brain is playing tricks on me. But I heard that digging for trauma can be incredibly destabilizing, and I’m wondering if that’s what happened to me