(F) I still get wet/get off to a friend’s sexual confession made about me

When I was younger, I had this one overly sexual guy friend who was also my only close guy friend.

At the start of the second semester, he mentioned to our friend group he liked when girls would gag/choke during blowjobs in porn. Another friend and I were like, “what why?”, and he casually admitted it was “cute”. I didn’t entertain aloud out of embarrassment but it secretly had me flustered and turned on.

Halfway through that semester, we went through a period where he kinda expressed interest in me but it never went anywhere because I was so anxious and shaky over the subject. Towards the end of us fizzling back to just platonic, he tested the waters and texted me that he had a “dream” about me giving him a handjob (which I still think was just a cover up for a conscious thought). I played it off and just laughed at it, replied with something awkward like, “omg how’d that happen 😂😭”.

But in secret, I immediately took a screenshot because it got me so wet with my heart racing. What made it hotter was how he explained to me, “if you don’t know what that is it’s when-” Like of course I know? But the contrast of him thinking I’m that innocent yet still sorta kinda pursuing me fucked with me in the best way, like he was trying to corrupt me. But also found that slight “guidance” hot too.

I always had a reputation of being the shy, quiet, good girl that would never do this or that, “Idk I just can’t imagine you” always followed by anything intimate. So much so it gets kinda embarrassing sometimes. So the fact that he was fantasizing about me in that way—let alone admitted it to me directly—felt insane. For years I pulled it up when I masturbated sometimes. I always loved reading erotica or smut. But it felt next level to get off to words written about me, especially by someone that knew me personally and saw me daily.

I always wondered what else he “dreamt” but held back because I was the who and others thought I was. That phase wrapped up quick and he got a girlfriend like 6 months later in the fall; someone that outwardly seemed more willing to be sexual for him (or so he thought). Our friends still had lewd convos as we do, and after I was lightly interrogated, he did seem really shocked when I admitted to the group that I did in fact masturbate (and I can’t remember if i revealed I consumed any porn but I feel like I alluded to that too lol?) His gf was there, so of course he wouldn’t ask for more details like I felt like he would have in the past.

But yeah, he has no idea I kept his message for years to get off to. Had me soaked and helped me knock out twitching so many times. We stopped talking a while ago and I accidentally deleted the screenshot very recently (RIP) after not using it for a while, but that and the cute blowjob comment are still imprinted in my brain. I don’t think I’ve shaken off my reputation so it’s embarrassing to think of anyone irl find out how I really am. Wonder what he and I would’ve done back then had he been a little more suave or said these things in person because then I wouldn’t have been able to hide my reaction.

Was nervous about this but I just wanted to rant and finally admit this somewhere since I just lost the ss 🪦 This doesn’t last anywhere because I don’t have the karma or it doesn’t fit subreddit rules to a T so I guess I’m just keeping it on my profile for now 😞 Hope someone relates from any perspective and likes it because while it feels weird to confess, I obviously still think it’s hot af as someone that’s still a virgin lol