Feels like dust is collecting

I've been married 3 years, together for 9 (we dated in high school). It's been slowly going down hill. I told him before we got married I'm into kink and he was open to the idea. Last night he told me he just wants to stick to vanilla. I can and have been vanilla for the past few years. But now I just feel like a fleshlight and I've told him that. I can't get off and haven't been but always get him off. I feel sexually frustrated and stuck. (For reference I'm a sub/bottom). I can't and would never make him participate in something he doesn't want to do. That's horrible. But I feel like I have a right to mourn the neglect of my own sexual need.