I wish I didn't exist

I'm obese and weigh 280lbs. I'm trying to lose weight but it's really, really hard. My body just doesn't want to give it up and at this rate I'm close to being 300lbs. My biggest fear is becoming 300lbs. I don't want to end up being that big. It's not even my fault that I gained all of this weight because I was homeless and living off of fast food for 11 months.

The thing is that I don't have money for weight watchers or to go into a keto program. I'm disabled and can't even get on disability because this country sucks. It's been a year since I applied for disability and haven't even heard back from social security yet. I need my disability benefits because I can't walk or run that well due to numerous skeletal disabilities that I have. This world sucks. I wish I could end it all. I don't want to be here anymore for numerous reasons. One of them being the fact that I'm unattractive and obese and can't find a partner. I'll never be able to kiss, touch, or hold someones hand ever again. My vision is so narrow that I can't seem to find light at the end of the tunnel. I've been trying to lose weight for the past three months but I can't seem to lose a damn pound. Everything that I'm doing to prevent myself from gaining weight isn't working. I genuinely could cry about this for hours right now. I don't want to live in misery anymore.