Think i drove my therapist away

So for context, shes like 40 and married and im 16f and madly obsessed w her. Recently we've been discussing the "objectives of therapy" or sm bs idk but its always made me break down in front of her. I always tell her "but I love you!!" Or "but im staying safe for you..." or "if you want ill stop talking about her just please please PLEASE dont get rid of me!!". Today I told her "I feel like ud rather see me dead. Like ud prefer if I just jumped out of the window rn." And she seemed kind of...shocked?? Shes js pretending its not true but anw. How do I convince her that she shouldnt terminate knowing that I dont agree with her views on therapy and that I cant lie to her cz she'll see through me? Pls im so desperate not to lose her and I feel like ill die without her I love her so much 🙁