Duty to Hobble

Your Majesty, I've been studying these two legal philosophies, and I've discovered they're both correct—depending on your knees! Castle Doctrine says stand your ground, Duty to Retreat says run away. But here's the thing: a young man with good knees listens to Duty to Retreat. An old man with bad knees listens to Castle Doctrine. The law should really just ask 'How are your knees today?' and work backwards from there!

In fact, Your Majesty, I propose a third law: Duty to Hobble. A man must first attempt to walk away at a reasonable pace before he may stand and fight. It accounts for the middle-aged entirely.