I miss my Deadbeat Dad

My dad was never much of a dad, his love for me was entirely conditional on the love of my mother. They broke up when I was little but he always held out hope theyd get back together.

For context, they had me when they were teenagers. My dad was extremely emotionally abusive towards my mum. He cheated on her and this was my mums last straw.

Growing up he never came to my parents evenings, school performances or activities. He came to one of my art shows in secondary school but only because my mum made him. I rarely saw him when I was a teenager and he would always say "the phone works both ways" as if I wasnt like 12 years old.

My breaking point came when I was in uni and extremely sick and in need of antibiotics. My gp wouldnt send them to my uni pharmacy and I couldnt get home to my mums because of a train strike. Nobody in my family drove at the time except my dad, who lived close by and worked in the city (it was an hr train ride from home) he point blank refused to come get me. Told me id have to wait the 4 days of the train strike or I could get 4 buses into the city and get the underground home. It took him 2 and a half weeks to message me after that to see if I managed to get home. Didnt even ask how I was.

I havent spoken to him in 4 years now, im engaged and getting married soon. He was never a good dad but I still miss him, it hurts thinking about him. Especially because hes raising another womans children.

Sorry if none of this makes sense, I needed to vent :)