People projecting negativity outward

How do I help? How do I get them to notice?

Here are few things a struggle with in this area, I have a hard time showing that the problems or emotions themselves are completely valid and worth expressing but the way in which these people are choosing to do so is hurting me and themselves.

They tend to lash out and project their feelings outward, which they don’t notice. Throughout their lives, they haven’t had many people show them healthy ways to express their frustration so they think this is normal. In the end, it normally falls back onto me because they just do not understand that the way they handle these things is harmful to others.

They tend to do things like get very defensive or start arguments. They also tend to blame me for things out of my control. Similarly, if they’re upset about something in regards to my own habits, they do not want to problem solve or compromise but to just vent. That in itself is very valid but the way it’s addressed is almost as if I do have to fix it. It does lead to pressure and anxiety to say the least.

I don’t want to make this post too long so please, feel free to start a conversation in the replies as I’m open to understanding this more. In any case, I’m trying to adjust to their comfort, I’ve done so many things and stressed myself out in a lot of ways to try to help them but it’s just a lot. All I would want is for them to be aware in the moments where they are stressed out or overwhelmed.

I’d like to get them to go to therapy but that’s easier said than done, especially when they cannot see how they’re harming others