Daughter is always happier around her dad

Hi! For some context here my daughter’s father and I split when she was about 8 months old. She will be own in three weeks

He moved out and we share custody. He lives with his parents and they absolutely adore and spoil her.

There is always a new toy, tv blaring, music, lights etc. constant stimulation.

I do state certain likes dislikes and preferences but I don’t endorse things super heavily because he is her daughter too and it’s sometimes a losing battle and mostly I’m just grateful for how much they love her and take care of her.

There is no schedule or routine there. When she’s exhausted she doesn’t nap because they don’t try to put her down anywhere that encourages sleep time.

Sometimes she’ll pass out in her playpen but only for short periods of time.

I’m not super rigid in routines but I know children do well with routine and need their sleep so I’m pretty consistent with her nap schedule.

I feel like whenever I get photos and videos of her there or see her with him she’s so happy.

She is always smiling when I come to get her and happy to see me for sure, but regular day to day I feel like bad cop.

Recently she’s been getting this new personality where she’s soooo fussy and frustrated. She hits me or is yelling.

I’m very gentle and calm and I don’t react but I do redirect her.

We have silly time with music and dancing and she’s a very happy and content baby generally and I do get comments often on how sweet and well behaved she is.

I just feel like- her entire being lights up when her dad walks in the room (which makes me happy!) but it makes me feel like it’s because there’s no rules or structure and now she’s like frustrated being with me?

He usually only has her during the evenings into the next early morning. So I deal with the all day affair. Breakfast, snacks, naps, breakdowns, bath time.. appointments, errands, chores.

I can’t always be focused on her and playing with her because I do work so I try to take care of my home during the day and he has her the evenings I work.

Sorry I have so much guilt I’m not playing enough or singing enough or doing enough fun stuff.

Sorry if this is rambling… I’m just nervous to become the bad cop parent. I know I’m probably just anxious and blowing things out of proportion.