My boyfriend wants 'One-Sided Monogamy'- Is there any coming back from the Manosphere?

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here we are.

My boyfriend recently told me he believes in “one-sided monogamy.” If you haven’t heard the term before, it basically means I stay loyal to him, while he keeps his options open. When I first heard it, I honestly thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

The conversation didn’t come out of nowhere. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed subtle changes. The way he talks about relationships, the way he frames “male nature,” the casual references to things like “high-value men” and “female hypergamy.” At first, I brushed it off as internet noise, but now I’m realizing he’s been spending a lot of time in what people call the “manosphere.”

And it’s starting to show.

When I asked him to explain what he meant, he said something along the lines of: men are “wired differently,” and that exclusivity benefits women more than men. According to him, if a man is successful, attractive, or “high status,” it’s natural for him to have multiple partners, and a woman who truly cares about him should accept that.

I just sat there thinking… where does that leave me?

Because I don’t want an “arrangement.” I want a relationship. Mutual respect, shared boundaries, and the basic understanding that we’re choosing each other. Not a dynamic where I’m expected to be loyal while he negotiates exceptions for himself.

What makes this harder is that he didn’t present it like a selfish demand. He framed it as “logic.” Like he was just being honest about reality, and I was the one being emotional or unrealistic for wanting equality.

That part really got to me.

I’ve been trying to unpack whether this is something we can work through or if it’s a fundamental incompatibility. I even came across an article on Life Coaching Today that talked about how coaching isn’t about telling you what to do, but helping you get clear on your own values. That stuck with me, because when I really sit with it, I know this doesn’t align with what I want.

Still, I keep wondering: is there any coming back from this?

Has anyone here dealt with a partner who got deep into manosphere content and came back to a more balanced perspective? Or once someone starts seeing relationships through that lens, is it basically set?

I don’t want to villainize him. He’s not a bad person. But this belief system feels corrosive. It reframes love as a transaction and commitment as something optional for one side. And I can already feel the shift in how he sees me, not as an equal partner, but as someone who needs to “qualify” for his loyalty.

Part of me wants to try and have deeper conversations, challenge his thinking, maybe even suggest we talk to a coach or counselor. Another part of me is worried that I’ll just end up arguing with a set of ideas that are designed to justify themselves.

And then there’s the simplest question I keep avoiding: even if he could change, do I want to stay with someone who currently believes this?

I guess I’m looking for perspective. Not just “leave him” (though I know that’s an option), but whether anyone has actually seen this kind of mindset shift in a real, lasting way.

Because right now, it feels like I’m standing at a fork in the road, and I don’t know which direction leads back to something healthy.