How can i enjoy watching series and movies with him now?

He quit it months ago, supposedly. I still can’t look at other women the same anymore. I trained myself to view them the way he did in his company, literally like objects. With others, I watch movies and stuff with no problem. With him?

We are watching a series right now. A lot of the women show their cleavage a lot. It’s very bad because it’s the type of content he specifically consumed. Women showing off their unnaturally sized chests and whatnot. I literally felt sick because I am very flat myself.

I love the series. I watched it at 14. I find barely any joy in it besides when everyone is covered up. Even sex scenes where the characters aren’t shoving anything explicit make me feel sick. Because I know what he looks at. I know what he likes. I know he would rather look at those women with their cleavage’s out than me. It haunts me. I struggle to be intimate with him afterwards because I’m not convinced he’s doing it because he’s attracted to me—-but because the shows content made him feel a certain way. Because in the past, he would scroll on Instagram, then initiate intimacy with me, and I never knew what his for you page looked like and that it wasn’t because of me but rather because of the girls on there.

I don’t know how to go about this. I just want to cry. I feel sick