Why I didn't leave sooner. Fifteen years in the orbit of a sociopath.

The question I got asked the most —by others and by myself— was always the same: why didn't you leave sooner?

It implies something nobody says out loud: that from the outside, it looked obvious. That I should have seen it. That I should have known.

Here's what I actually know now, fifteen years later: they don't choose you because you were weak. They choose you because you're kind. Because you listen. Because you give people the benefit of the doubt. Because everything that makes you a good friend, a good partner, a good human being —in their hands— becomes the exact thing they use against you.

I couldn't see it while I was inside. Not because I was stupid. But because from the inside, there is no outside.

If this resonates, happy to share more in the comments.