no baby should be happy?

i feel like i’m going insane. i’ve never felt so disconnected from myself and others. i was recently pregnant and it’s tearing me apart but no one i know will understand. not even my fiancé. they wanted me to get rid of it immediately and so did i but it never really felt like i was understood. now they want to explore putting themselves out there and everything and im happy for them. but im so broken and i feel so lonely. i dont know how to process this. i dont know how to claim my body back. i feel like the dirt on someone’s shoe and i feel like i keep being put there. i know therapy is supposed to help but i cant afford it and im scared of being told im a waste of time. i’ve tried therapy in the past and i was always told how strong i was but never given any solutions. i’m so alone and so tired. i want to be better but i just feel worthless. if no one sees this im okay o just needed to speak in a place that someone might possibly understand. this is also my first post ever and im probably doing it wrong but im trying. i just need to know how to feel more like me again.