What’s the balance of self love and growth versus sacrifice and love for spouse?

I am in a 17 year marriage with my wife, we got married younger, I was 22. Anyways since then I have supported us in most every way not just earning the money but managing our lives, not because I wanted to, but because somebody had to 😅. And throughout the marriage I have had to put aside almost every pursuit I wanted, whether continuing education, hanging out with friends, even talking to family sometimes, or extreme criticism of hobbies etc. also the last couple years have been hell, she was trying to help with sick parents, and I left my job, sold my house to move across the country to help her with that because it is what she felt like she needed to do, and let her lead but it ended in all kinds of disaster, mostly because her unwillingness to listen to other people . And now I am in complete rebuild mode. I know she is a good person, she loves our kids (who are teens), and she tires to take care of the house and stuff. But it feels so codependent, and I am so drained, and I feel like unless I do everything she wants which is not possible for me, especially at this moment, it’s really hard. And I have been trying to go on for years like this. But I really don’t want to be a mean person, but I just feel completely spent, and I just want to be in a semi supportive, reciprocal relationship.