I hate chatgpt as my therapist

I honestly hate that I’m even writing this here. I’m so tired of talking to AI. I just want real people to listen to me for once because I genuinely feel so damn alone.

I have been in a relationship with this man for more than a year. Our relationship is extremely toxic but I feel so attached to him that I can’t leave even when I want to.

We live in a very religious city and both of us are non-religious, so I think that’s one of the reasons we connected so deeply. The way we met honestly felt like something out of a Bollywood movie. We have so many things in common, but somehow we still hurt each other so much.

We fight constantly. There hasn’t been a single peaceful week in our relationship. Almost every fight starts over something small like he would say *why did you reply late", then suddenly it turns into him cussing at me, blocking me, threatening me, or saying the most horrible things imaginable like"i will send ur nudes to ur father" Every time he gets angry, it feels like he wants to destroy me.

And the worst part is I have nobody else. No close friends, no supportive family, no one I can talk to. He’s the only person who understands me SOMETIMES , which is why I feel so stuck.

I always tried so hard for him. I wrote him letters, gave him gifts, bought him a cake on his birthday and expensive wallet on our first year anniversary, made him his favorite food with my own hands twice just for him to cancel our plans both times💔. I still remember sitting there alone eating the food I made while crying. Meanwhile on our anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and even my birthday, he barely made any effort for me at all. Not even a small gift.Just basic wishes and only talking.He mostly accuses me of cheating or saying things like "who u were talking with" who did talked with when we had fights shit like this. But since the day i have came into relationship with him i have been loyal, and whenever i talk with other guys i show him evrything, evry chat.

Two weeks ago we had our worst fight ever. He was again saying cruel things and I completely lost my patience. I said something horrible back. I told him "i wish u die in a car accident since u drive so fast i wiah u just die and i will just get rid of u" The second I said it, I regretted it and apologized immediately while crying. But since that day, he’s completely distant. He leaves my texts on seen, ignores my calls, and acts like I don’t exist anymore.

I know what I said was horrible and I regret it deeply. But honestly I feel so mentally drained from this relationship. I still want to save it somehow, but at this point it feels like I’m trying to bring life back into something that’s already dead.🥀 Tbh at this point i m so hungry for love and attention and effort like am i really that unloveable