How do I fix this friendship? Is there hope?

My closest friend said she doesn’t want to talk anymore and I don’t know what to do. People have told me this is recoverable, but I think I should just give up. It’s not like Im going to stop being a horrible friend/horrible person overnight.

Since coming to college I’ve just been emotionally an asshole. I found a solid friend group by the end of freshman year, but it fizzled out by last October. My closest friend in the group, yeah I fucked up that friendship. It’s a long story but since then I’ve had like 3 friends. Now a friend I met as a freshman, we’ve been really close for a few months till last week.
Weve been texting and calling a lot, but I’ve been an asshole. I kept going on self loathing rants around her and she would repeatedly ask me to stop saying some things- stuff like ‘I deserve pain’ and ‘I’d kill myself’. To the point she even cursed (something she doesn’t usually do), “[my name] can you please stop fucking saying that”.

Then recently, she texted me at 4am saying she’s going through a hard time and that it’s not helping that her suite mate is getting it on so loudly. I responded with “whoa that’s hot. I want to hear! who’s your suite mate again?“ she said “wtf“ then blocked me. We met a few days later and she said we’re not friends anymore, she said she’ll keep me blocked and that I have no empathy.

I fucked up. That was like my last friend. I went and partied IMMEDIATELY after that. I got crossfaded for like 2 days. I should’ve done more, I deserve worse. I wish I

My friends say it’s recoverable and that I usually don’t act that way. I think they’re wrong. It’s better we don’t talk. She was smart for doing so.

I know how much of a horrible person I am for doing this and I know that I didn’t treat her right. I keep saying I care, but If I cared about her I wouldn’t do that. I don’t deserve to be friends with her. I lowkey really need it though. I don’t know what fucking dumbass shit I have going on but I don’t know how to fix it. I really wish I could fix it but maybe I just have to let it go? I’m going to therapy, but didn’t bring it up. We went on a spiral about some other shit that happened during the week so we never got to it. It’s not like she’s going to fix it for me anyways. I wish I stopped being so stupid.