Chosing your partner every time

I've been getting a lot of breakup stuff online because of the algorithm. I know most of it is bots (especially twitter) but I keep seeing posts about choosing your partner, choose them every time. Like prioritise them every time. The only thing my ex said that was something I could have done differently was choosing I guess.

He wanted to go on a trip abroad, I turned it down. I was in the process of transitioning from being employed to going back to university. It was a pretty last minute for me and I felt like I couldn't handle the stress of international travel.

There were two other in country trips he wanted to do. One fairly local to him and one much further. I turned them both down. I had just started back at university and was terrified I ws going to fall behind.

All three times I wanted to go on the trips. Heck the first one he had suggested somewhere cool as I dont like the heat, but he loves it, so I said we could go to the Mediterranean cause its winter it wont be crazy hot. I just prioritised myself. I know my limits, I know how much I would be taking on and I didnt think it was a good idea.

Then my uncle dies. I go to the funeral. I make plans to visit my partner a couple days after. 9 hours of driving within a few days, which is a lot for me. Im tired, I'm emotionally drained. But I still go down to see him. I made that choice. Hes distant and in a bad mood but I think its work as he hates his job. We don't do much but we do go to his favourite breakfast place. I catch up on studying. I think we are just enjoying being in the same place.

I go home. Few days later he texts me. Hes doing worse mentally than I thought. But hes also annoyed with me. Said hes sick of doing the same thing every time we see each other. Hes annoyed I turned down the trips. Within this he says hes felt distant from me for months. Just hopped it would go away. Hopped our last weekend together would be different.

I feel awful but also angry. He is terrible at communication. Does not say what he feels. Shuts down when I try and get something out of him. So this is out of nowhere. I cant read minds.

Now I am stuck thinking about it all. Trying my best not to blame myself. I know at least I am not to blame for the breakup. I didnt bottle up my feelings for 6 months then drop everything on my partner. I said I want to try and make things work I want to put the effort in but he breaks up with me anyway.

But could it have gone differently? Was I being horribly selfish? If we had gone on those trips would we still be together? Is this ending just a sign of what would have eventually happened anyway?

I dont think I can ever 100% of the time prioritise my partner over me. But also I dont want my partner to 100% prioritise me. I dont want them to sacrifice themselves just so I am content.

This was my first relationship and I feel like it has fucked me up more than it should have. I dont know how I can go back into a relationship again. Any feeling of someone not telling me something is gonna set me on edge. I dont want that again. I was like that before. Constantly reading people, worring all the time. Its awful. I had come so far from that. If someone has a problem with you they will say something. But I cant trust that anymore.