I can't let go even though I know it's what best!

I've sat and serviced many retreats throughout Asia. It has been life changing. I see the growth. I never thought that was possible before. But my biggest issue is I still try to control too much outside myself. The worst part is I don't even have full control over myself, yet for some reason I think I can control outcomes. It's killing me. I see the benefits, I know this is the path. I have the result from simply letting go. Yet I can't learn my lesson and keep trying to control it.

I think I have ADHD, focusing on a single task is different as it is. But on top of that I have a very analytical and overthinking mind. Even a small bit of control snowball. Even with vippasana which is the method I practice, I start adding, maybe instead of scanning, I watch my thoughts, that way I can speed this up and get results.

I also noticed from a simple mobile game, when I press I keep making mistakes that snowball into a bigger mess up. I know the method. But the issue is I'm trying to figure out how that can coexist with my goals and aspersion and wants. Should I build a more rigged system like at the temples? Should I just watch my breath and sensation and let everything else unfold? Which seems like defeat, but all the best things happened to me when I stopped trying and later I just stumbled into results. This is true for losing weight (lost 30 lb without even trying but that's a whole other story on my meditation journey) I think this is the last question I have to answer before I can truly go down the road to enlightenment. It's like even knowing letting go is the answer. The fear is too great