20th bday wont be as expected

Every year my birthday isnt how i expected because i got my hopes up, im turning 20 in 2 days and its a milestone birthday so i wanted to have my family around and have dinner since i dont have any friends. However my grandmother passed away recently and my whole family has been around eachother to support my grandfather, we have had dinner together alot and have done alot of socializing. i understand the stress this has caused my mother for many reasons, so because of this i wont be having any family over besides my immediate family. i originally asked for a steak dinner because i knew going out would be too much because my father is in 100k+ in debt and hasnt filed yet so they cant garnish his paycheques so they took everything in my moms account. I told her its not a big deal and it doesnt make a difference its just another day because if i tell her it bothers me she will feel like an asshole and never forgive herself. I have no one besides my family to celebrate with and i try to pretend it doesnt hurt but ive never had a friend since before covid to celebrate the small and big things, dont get me wrong love my family but sometimes it feels impossible to explain my feelings to them.