Husband living the dream while I feel emotionally miles away

Here's my feelings... I feel. I know we are not supposed to go by our feelings but Im facing them everyday, unknowing how to control the sudden emotions. I've been believing this lie that I just a never going to attain anything and have no desire or interest and I honestly have no idea what im here for. People say ask God and well I have for years.. Anyway. I feel like emotionally, and the way I think is just like a block, unmoving. Even though I change and get married and try to do new jobs... the feelings are uunmoving. The thoughts that come about what am I even here for and recently started feeling like that I just want to die because what is the point of my life and my husband.. he is kind and tries to help with my emotions but honestly it's me. I have to fix it.. I just realized these emotions have been with me for a long time, and I never know how to fix it. I would always talk to him and other people sometimes about them but I still find my way back to the same sadness feeling miles away. Im wondering does God need to heal me from something? Im sure, but honestly I need it to happen soon because I dont want my husband to continue to feel sad for me while he watches. Everytime I look around my life, whether at home or outdoors, I feel so heavy like I want to cry and that the clock is ticking, and life is just waiting on me to make a random decision of some kind of career choice that will help my family. But I also want to cry out to God, can't you see? I know he can. Im so emotional that with every word people speak to try to help, it leads me back to this state of depression or sadness like yeah i know I have to pray, yes I know Ive been trying and I get back into that hole.