I think I’m (21f) being negged by my boyfriend (24m) of two years. Is this true? How do I proceed in a breakup?

Starting off to say that our relationship already has a lot of other issues and I think this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Since my partner and I have been seeing each other, he has only ever had positive things to say about my body and looks. However, I rarely get compliments on my personality and only have it recognized when I ask.

He often puts me down for my intelligence and common sense despite the fact that I’m a smart person. I’m three years into my bachelors that often has me working 12 hours a day to complete my work (as of recently), and I’ve been on the dean’s list for multiple semesters in a row. He has no job, does not pay rent, and had us sent to collections before my parents stepped in. This money that they paid was pulled from my college tuition and he owes me 4k. I have ADHD, so I often forget little things like closing cabinets, getting more toilet paper, and simply taking care of myself. Despite all I’ve done, over the years he has become more and more critical of this and has even called me incompetent due to things like this.

I expressed to him at the beginning of the relationship that I have mental struggles (depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, though I’ve been in intensive therapy and have the tools to handle it), and he confirmed he would communicate if this ever bothered him. However, now he consistently lashes out and will criticize me for my own emotions while also denying that my emotions are too much. Often times when I reach out for support I am ignored or even criticized, meanwhile my friends are there for me and reaffirm me. This is what made me realize that the way he treats me is not normal.

I also have not always put my best foot forward in our relationship, but it truly feels like he does not care to better himself and us and only wants to bring me down to his level. My father told me growing up that people that are hurting will try to make you hurt too, and I wonder if this is the case. I have heard of negging when it comes to physical insults, but is it also a thing where people can ‘neg’ somebody’s personality and self confidence? Is this simply a response to his exhaustion of my emotions, that maybe I am too much? I’ve begun to feel so low that I doubt myself, so I ask you guys to get an outside perspective.

So, Reddit, my question is if I’ve experienced negging, how do I tell him how he’s hurt me to end things? Even if he has not negged me, I can’t continue to deal with the pain I’ve felt with him. I truly want to feel peace and tell him that the way he’s treated me is unacceptable so that others may be treated better in the future. I don’t think he has intentionally tried to harm me. I know in my head that I am strong, but I want to feel it in my heart again. I apologize if my English is bad, it is not my first language.