Poetry I Wrote After My Best Friend Cut Me Off

Hey all,

My best friend of 7 years cut me off the other day. I know nothing more than to process this by writing some poetry. I hope maybe this can help you process anything you are going through yourself! I know it does not rhyme or even sound wonderful but it puts into words what is laying heavy on my heart:

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It came as no surprise when she decided to exit my life
Her quiet resentment had been screaming at me through the looks of disgust on her face
I tried to change, I really did
But changing my entire attitude towards someone overnight is hard to come by

We grew up together but then began to grow apart
As she stepped into her own self I began to step away
Every conversation that once would have been pleasant
Was washed away with arguments and disagreements
Points were made but only succeeded in offending or annoying the other
With every word from my lips, she became more offended
With every word from her lips, I became more annoyed

Upbringings and misunderstandings began to display the major differences between us
Slowly adding to the fields of tension and resentment

She is disgusted with me
Should I blame myself or understand it must be two-sided?

I have an ocean of feelings to express but no strength to convert them into words
What is the point?
I could beg her to come back but I would never forgive myself for it
If someone does not want to be in my life then I am going to hold the door open
She could beg to come back into my life, but I could never love her like I once did
If someone leaves my life and then comes back I can never trust them again

There is nowhere to go from here but the path forward
I will always love her but never like I once did
She ruined the most beautiful friendship that was supposed to last forever
She did that in one single text

I did not get a chance to defend myself nor to assure her that I was trying to change
I did not get a chance to explain once again, what each little misunderstanding was
I did not get a chance to hit her in the head
So she forgets all my little secrets that make me so vulnerable now
I did not get the chance to say “I love you”
Because I am not verbally affirming enough and she may have forgotten

I know her well enough to know she will regret kicking me to the curb
But I also know that I am too stubborn to accept an apology
What is done has been done

She is no longer in my life
I no longer read messages filled with dozens of hearts and roses
I no longer hangout with someone who does not require a charged social battery
I no longer find her hairs scattered through my room and my clothes
I no longer sit on the edge of my seat as she drives us through town
I no longer buy every daisy-themed decor item at Hobby Lobby
I no longer have someone to get sushi and Taro with
I no longer speak my mind because she was the only person I opened up to

Now, I sit alone at the hair salon
I drive by Target but have no interest in a Target run
Exciting life updates are sent to my mom now
I finish reading books and tell nobody the highlights
Ranting and getting things off my chest are a thing of the past
I avoid the places I used to frequent with my best friend
The tea being spilled today was only on my sweatshirt
Nobody calls my dog munchkin anymore
My dad’s ‘favorite daughter’ has cut off his real daughter
I lie when people ask about her so I do not have to explain what I do not understand myself
I am missing my other half
Although, I wonder if she died a little while ago
Because the woman that left me is not the woman that I knew

I used to say that she was perfect
But she is no longer the angel she was
She has done something wrong; she has done something cruel
Leaving me behind and cutting me off like she did
Was the only bad thing I can that say she did
I wish she could say the same about me
But the only kind thing I ever did was let her go when she decided to leave me

Today is her birthday
For the first time in seven years, I did not celebrate with her
I sat silently
For what am I to say?
Happy Birthday and thanks for leaving me like everybody else does?

She is the last person to leave me like that
Not because I’ll become likable enough to never be left again
But because I will never let anybody close again
I have been betrayed by multiple people I held so dearly
And the last of the bunch finally followed the others out of my life

The first time someone exited my life, I begged them to stay
The second time, I asked if we could talk it out
The third time, I apologized and then said goodbye
This last time, I had nothing to say

The funny thing is, I prayed for this to happen
I prayed to ask God for something hurtful to happen in my life
So hurtful that it would distract me from the grief of the first person that left me
I never thought He would simply add to the list of people I loved and lost

I have a mountain of words and a flood of tears that are yet to come
Although I am only two days into this life without my best friend
I have accepted this as reality and am forcing myself to look forward
For some reason I have not accepted it
This can’t be over

I keep thinking one day she will call me and tell me she misses me too
Things might resume but they will never be the same
I shall save myself some time and just let it be
It is over