Lack of attachment and emotions

​My internal baseline is not defined by "happiness" or "sadness," but by a state of neutrality. When I am in a quiet, predictable environment, I feel balanced. However, I have an extreme physical sensitivity to sound. Unpredictable noises (like dogs barking or kids screaming) and constant loud hums (like inflatable blowers or loud bickering) cause a physical sensation of pressure in my chest and heaviness in my head. When this sensory load becomes too high, my brain "overheats" and I experience a shutdown during a shutdown, I often go mute and lose the ability to speak or interact. This is not a choice or a "tantrum"; it is a neurological limit.​To manage this, I use specific regulation tools like noise-canceling headphones, a pacifier, or chewy candy. These provide the rhythmic sensory input and silence I need to keep my nervous system from crashing. My room is my "safe zone" where I go to recharge my battery; without this time alone, I cannot function. ​My relationship with my family is currently strained because they believe I can "rule over my mind" to stop these reactions. From my perspective, this is illogical, as I cannot use willpower to stop a physical sensory reflex. They often mistake my shutdowns for "bad moods" or "being difficult," which forces me to mask my true state to keep the peace. This "performance" is mentally exhausting and leads to deep burnout. ​Regarding social connections, my friendships are based on proximity. I can enjoy the company of people when they are physically present, but I do not feel a "social hunger" or an emotional need to maintain contact when they are away. I do not feel lonely when I am by myself; in fact, being alone is often the only time I feel truly at peace.