24F struggling with resentment and expectations in relationship with 27M after moving in together

Hello everyone, I’m looking for honest advice and I’m open to feedback and criticism.

My partner and I have been together for a few years. I grew up in an unhealthy family environment, so moving out and building a stable life has always been really important to me. When we first started dating, my partner knew about my situation and we talked a lot about eventually moving in together.

I also always wanted to go back to school and pursue something I actually cared about. I had completed a previous degree that I didn’t do well in, and it didn’t really lead anywhere. I tried applying to master’s programs but kept getting rejected because of my grades. My partner really encouraged me to try again, and eventually I found a program where I could complete another bachelor’s degree in about two years with transfer credits.

Around the same time, we found a really good deal on a place that was close to both of our jobs, so we decided to move in together. Before moving in, we agreed that my partner would take care of the financial responsibilities like rent, the car, and groceries, and I would handle cooking and cleaning.

At the beginning, we were both working full-time and splitting things more evenly. Then I started school full-time and reduced my work to part-time, while my partner had just finished their master’s and started their dream job. Around this time, we also got two cats.

As things went on, my partner started feeling very burned out from work and also stressed financially. I do have savings, and I offered multiple times to help out more, but they always said no and wanted to stick to our original agreement.

At the same time, I was juggling five to six courses, a part-time job, cooking almost every day, and struggling to keep up with cleaning. I also have ADHD, which makes managing everything more difficult. I stayed consistent with cooking and doing dishes, but I struggled with keeping the place tidy, especially with the added mess from having two cats (I have always had a hard time with being tidy).

I did ask my partner at times if they could help with small things like tidying up or putting away dishes, but they didn’t want to because they felt we had already agreed on our roles and I should stick to mine.

I’ll be honest, there were times where I chose to rest or spend time on my phone instead of cleaning. I needed that downtime, but I understand how that may have affected things. At the same time, I felt overwhelmed and tried to communicate that I needed some support, while my partner felt I wasn’t doing enough.

This led to ongoing arguments. They would say the house wasn’t clean enough and that they were sacrificing a lot financially, and I would try to explain that I was overwhelmed and also feeling a lack of emotional support and affection. They would respond that they were too stressed from work.

At one point, I even took on six courses in a semester to try to graduate faster and reduce the financial pressure long-term. That period was extremely stressful, but I still continued cooking and continued to struggle with keeping up with basic chores, and at times, the house would get really messy. Although, I was still the primary person who did deep cleaning (floors, dusting, mopping), I wouldnt do it often but at least once every 4-6 weeks.

More recently, after finishing a big assignment, I went out with a friend for the first time in a while. When I got home, my partner was very upset that I hadn’t cleaned. I explained that I planned to do it the next day and just needed a break, but they felt I wasn’t prioritizing things, since they are sacrificing their life financial and can't afford things for themselves.

After my semester ended, I had about a week before the next one. I worked a few of those days and told my partner I would clean by the end of the week, but I also wanted a couple of days to see friends and decompress. This led to a much bigger argument. They felt I should have used that time to clean instead of going out.

During that argument, they said they were sacrificing for me financially, that I don’t show enough appreciation, and that not every partner would do what they’re doing. They also said I could have helped financially more. I tried to explain that I do appreciate them, that I’ve offered to help financially multiple times, and that I consistently cook and take care of the kitchen. I also said I’m willing to contribute more now that my workload is lighter, but I need some flexibility and occasional support.

I also said that this is something we’re doing for our future together and sacrificing for us, not just for me, which made them more upset.

After that, things got really bad. We barely spoke, took space, and they even considered breaking up. Now we’re still living together, but we barely communicate, and there’s almost no affection.

I feel really stuck and unsure of whether I’m being unreasonable or if my expectations for support are valid. I’d really appreciated any perspective or advice?