Am I in the wrong? Or is my fiancé in the wrong?

I just want to mention this might be a long post, I’m sorry. I 27F am engaged to 30M and we’ve been together for almost 6 years. We’ve known each other for a total of about 8 years. From the beginning of our relationship we’ve had ups and downs. We started off as friends then made flirtatious jokes then we started arguing/disagreeing a lot. We liked each other from the start but there was already problems from the beginning. There’s been problems our whole relationship. Some problems have been ongoing and some are new ones that pop up every now and then.

My fiancé says that I hate him. He asks why are we together if I hate him. I don’t hate him. But I won’t lie, I get mad easily. For context about myself, I have anger issues. It’s hard for me to control my anger. I’m just very emotional in general. I usually say things I don’t mean when I’m angry. I’m kind of stubborn as well. I don’t like to listen to him much. I like to try things out on my own and if it failed then it failed but I like to try to do things on my own rather than listen to him. He says I’m very disrespectful to him and I hurt his feelings because I don’t listen to him. He also says I’m mean because instead of asking for something nicely I demand it and if he doesn’t do it then I start “throwing shots” like saying he doesn’t do anything around the house, that he’s lazy, etc. and it makes him feel bad. It makes him look at me as the bad guy. So those are the main issues why he argues with me right.

Now I’ll explain his personality and the things he does that get me upset. He likes to joke around a lot. He likes to fool around a lot. I get overwhelmed easily so I don’t like it sometimes. Sometimes I don’t mind it. It all depends on my mood basically. He talks down on me because he says I do the same to him so he does it back to me. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him to stop tickling me that I’m not in the mood because he says I don’t listen to him so why does he have to listen to me. Then I get mad and then it’s an argument. Everything he does to get me mad, he doesn’t respect me telling him no because he says I don’t respect him so why does he have to respect me. He says it’s not fair he always has to listen to me and the things I tell him to do or not to do but I don’t ever listen to him. He tells me he’s just giving me a taste of my own medicine. If I don’t like it when he doesn’t listen to me how do I think he feels.

Now I try to change and be nicer and not get so angry at things but it’s hard. I’ve been doing it on my own trying to change but it hasn’t been working for the past 6 years. Sometimes I make progress but then he’ll say something mean or do something mean and I get triggered and ruin all of the progress I’ve made.

Well fast forward to the present. We do have 3 kids. 2 are his, 1 is mine from a previous relationship. We live together. We share 1 car. Our relationship has been super bipolar from the start. It has its good moments then it has its rocky moments but recently it’s been getting worse. Things got really bad yesterday that I told him our arguments just constantly go in circles and it never gets resolved. He says he’s tired of arguing and he’s tired of my attitude. Our arguments are him telling me how he feels so I understand but then when I tell him how I feel and why I’m acting like that, he just makes my emotions feel invalid because I’m the one being an AH to him first so everything I feel doesn’t matter.

Well yesterday it got so bad. He never initiates leaving me he always says it’s my choice that I’m the one that has to choose what I want to do. End the relationship or keep it. He NEVER chooses. I tell him if he has such a big problem with me and how I act then he’s the one that should be leaving me and make it clear. He says he doesn’t want to give up on me but at the same time he’s tired of waiting for me to change. He doesn’t want to break up our family. So yesterday I said maybe we should separate. Maybe we should take a break until I find therapy and get better or something. Maybe we can stay together and just not talk as much. Just give each other a little space for a little bit. I gave him different options because I know I can be hard to deal with but I don’t know if we’re compatible. If we ever were. If this is fixable. If our relationship is too far gone. We haven’t spoken to each other since. We’re still sleeping in the same bed but no contact with each other.

Am I the one in the wrong? Or is he the one in the wrong? Are we both in the wrong? I’m going to seek therapy but he tells me it’s too late that I want to seek it now after I broke up with him. He didn’t even choose which option would be better for us so I don’t even know where we stand. I don’t know if I should wait for him to talk to me or do I talk to him first? What do I say? I’m very depressed and stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like everything is always my fault.