Spilling the beans on myself...

TLDR I've been doing coke for a couple weeks and hiding it and I need to stop.

Full story... I have a history with Adderall and coke abuse/addiction. Never got to the point where people noticed (aside from the extreme skinniness, but I was a girl in my 20s so I only got positive feedback about that 🙄). I was hiding it and going through it alone, and kicked it alone.

Fast forward over a decade. Over the years I've used coke recreationally with friends but never fell back into sad, sneaky, lonely use. Until now.

IDK why now. I've often had a supply and didn't even think about it until I was going to a party or something. A gram could last six months. I went all last summer without it and it didn't cross my mind. So a month or so ago when I thought, hmm, it'd be nice to have a little stash for this summer, I figured I'd be fine.

Tell me why I've been doing bumps all day on weekdays. Sneaking up to do a bump at 7pm even while I tell myself not to. Knowing full well I'm just wasting my expensive drugs on absolutely nothing.

I think part of the rationale is I need it gone so I may as well finish it off.

I am a normal adult with a job and pets and a spouse. You wouldn't look at me and think "she's got a coke habit."

Anywho. I'm snitching on myself anonymously because this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and said NO COKE TODAY and I need it in writing too.

This shit is sneaky, tell you what. You can go YEARS thinking you're not an addict, then surprise! You're doing addict stuff!