How do I heal I feel guilty for standing up for myself

I, 23 (F) lost my virginity to a man, we were both virgins

He pursued me first was all lovey dovey would text me daily try to keep tabs on what is going on with my life

Kept on being sexual on text and when he started calling me babe I asked him what are we he says oh I am not stable right now I can't commit to anyone I was like okay then why are you texting me daily just hit me up when we sleep

So he makes a plan to take my virginity on my very birthday even though I didn't want to at first but I reluctantly agreed.

He was quite bad at sex didn't get me wet didn't do any foreplay and was trying penetration immediately after 10 minutes ofcourse his dick couldn't go in

I started bleeding heavily on my birthday in a random dingy hotel he got scared just told me to blow him and I went on to celebrate with my friends

I was absolutely sore for a week and was still lightly bleeding when I sent him a picture of me bleeding he just said " great"

I was absolutely fuming called him up on it so he apologized and said he was "zoned out "

He he said I was a virgin so I was supposed to bleed

Anyways then he went to another city started ignoring me and my nudes and I had moved on

But exactly after 20 days he comes back all entitled and asks me to send him my nuded because he is just horny and misses my ass and he also said he will slap me and make me cry during sex

I politely declined and told him when I needed his attention he was not there

He was shocked and surprised I didn't entertain him anymore.

Also he used the pathetic line you can do this for me atleast so it was painfully clear he was manipulating me