This may or may not be long. I am ADHD but Ill try to stay on topic. (genuine advice or constructive criticism is needed) 

INFJ is my personality type. I pour MY ALL into my person aside from my best friend of 30+ years. 

My person of 3 years took his life on his birthday 1/30/26. 

I am struggling with his loss. I realized I needed a distraction. So, I created a FBD profile and stated my intentions in my bio very clearly. Everyday I get atleast 50 likes. I finally matched with a man because he commented under my photo. Something along the lines of him be sorry for my loss and that he could be my friend. He wasn't the first to comment this but I just had this genuine vibe from him. 

We start messaging. Instantly clicked! FBD notifications are basically non existent so we exchanged numbers rather quickly. (I typically never give my number out) Everything was going awesome, but then I started noticing these commitment vibes. I communicate very well. I explain to him that I dont want to lead him in the wrong direction. I am a broken person right now. Hurt people hurt people. Id understand if he didnt want to continue talking to me...ect

He reassured me that he understood and wanted to continue what we had going on. 

A week or so goes by. He pours his heart out to me. Confessing his love for me.(Without using the actual word itself)  I panicked and without responding, I blocked him. He used another number to call me but I didnt answer. I knew it was him. I could feel it. A few days later, he finds my Facebook and messages me. Says he doesnt understand what happened. I let it simmer there for a few days because I didnt know wtf to do. I enjoyed our conversations and genuinely missed talking to him. The guilt ate me alive so I ended up replying. Explaining once again what my intentions are and told him that we have to set boundaries. I can not give him what he desires but......stupidly I said "Thank you for having patience with me. We never know what the future holds."  

Now, he send me reels constantly about the future and Im worth the wait. Yes, its very sweet! He send me a long message again yesterday that gave me that vibe again to run. 

I dont want to ghost him. I respect him too much. I dont want to be selfish but I dont want to be selfless either. 

Please for the love of God, help me. 

I still wake up some days forgetting Jayy isnt here anymore. I have this guilty feeling like Im cheating on Jayy but I have never, not had, a person to pour into. 

 

Hurt people hurt people?