Not there anymore

Dear you, my gym crush.

You no longer appear.
It has been a good three weeks and I haven't seen nor heard anything about you.
It's like you fell off the earth.
Sometimes you made me feel like I fell off the earth.

Control was often the thing I preffered most about my life so you can understand how uncomfortable your presence made me feel.
The emotion I feel right now is one of relief.
However a scertain yearning longs to kick up again.
To roll around and accelerate my heart.
Like the empty hamster wheel that moved around so mnay millions of times.
Now it is just a tiny metal frame in a glass box layered with saw dust.

Did I just describe my heart. I am in no position to make demands.
I wonder if you changed gyms just to avoid me, avoid my wandering eyes.
Or censor your own.
That conversation would certainly spark some kind of precious feeling.
To leave it all open like an unsolved crime seems appropriate.
So many fleeting things in life take this form.
Why not me and you the event that never happened?

What would disappoint me would be, if you had already dreamed of me the way I, you.
That you had the sense that I was watching you from somewhere, the way I sensed you were.
I couldn't abide that, that would make me feel like this reality was somewhere closer to purgatory.

But God I wouldn't blame you.
I would blame my own silly hesitation to confront and confess my heart's feelings.