My husband left me and now I don’t know if I was a bad wife or just exhausted

I’m a 34-year-old woman and my husband is 36. We were together for 6 years and have a baby together. He left me, and I feel completely destroyed and like my self-esteem is at rock bottom.

Looking back, I ignored a lot of red flags because I was in love and hopeful. I met him on a dating app when he was 30 and still living with his parents. His room was always messy, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. One day the toilet broke at his parents’ house and instead of asking him to fix it, they called his younger brother. I brushed it off and thought maybe they just wanted him to spend time with me, not because they didn’t trust him to handle things.

He treated me well emotionally in the beginning, and I was happy. I was his first serious relationship. We moved in together, and that’s when everything changed.

I had to constantly ask him to take out the trash, bring laundry downstairs, help bring it back upstairs, close the pool for winter, mow the lawn, etc. Everything became a fight or something delayed for weeks. He would come home from work and immediately go to sleep until 7 PM. Then we’d watch a movie and I would convince myself everything was okay.

After our daughter was born, I started questioning if this was really the life I wanted. He’s a good person in the sense that he would help strangers if they needed something. But when it came to responsibilities at home, he wasn’t dependable. I always felt like I had to be “the man” in the relationship — managing everything, thinking ahead, making things happen.

Even with the baby, he barely helped unless I got very upset first. I remember asking him to simply take the baby for a walk while I cooked, and he would say he was too tired. He’s not very attentive with our daughter either.

At the same time, I know I’m not perfect. I do have a strong personality and I get angry easily, especially when I feel overwhelmed. He says I treated him badly, and honestly sometimes I probably did. But most of my anger came from feeling exhausted and alone carrying the entire household mentally and physically.

There were little things too. One day he didn’t work and I asked him to thaw shrimp in the sink for dinner. He spent the entire day in bed and didn’t do it. Things like that built resentment in me over the years.

I also found out he watched porn and talked to people online connected to it. He told me he had been doing it since he was 16 and that it was “normal” to him because it was just porn. I forgave him.

He also spent a lot of time playing Pokémon Go with friends. Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared if he handled his responsibilities at home first. He would go out every Sunday hunting Pokémon while I stayed home taking care of everything. I was even supportive in the beginning and went with him sometimes because I didn’t want to make him feel bad.

My frustration was never about small hobbies. It was about feeling like I couldn’t rely on him as a partner. He slept with the TV on, set 6 alarms every morning, struggled to get up, and I constantly felt like I was parenting another child instead of having a husband.

Now he left me, and somehow I still feel like the failure. I feel like a terrible wife and even a bad person because of how he describes me and the way I reacted during our relationship. I also feel guilty because our sex life became almost nonexistent. But the truth is, I was constantly angry, disappointed, exhausted, and emotionally disconnected.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this. Maybe perspective. Maybe honesty. Maybe just wanting to feel less alone.

TL;DR: I’m a 34-year-old woman whose husband of 6 years recently left me, and I’m struggling with guilt and low self-esteem. Looking back, I ignored red flags because I loved him. He was kind emotionally, but very passive and unreliable at home. I carried almost all the mental load, household responsibilities, and childcare, while constantly having to ask him to do basic things. Over time I became resentful, angry, and emotionally disconnected. He says my strong personality and bad temper pushed him away, and while I know I need to work on that, I also feel like years of exhaustion and disappointment changed me. Now I’m left wondering if I was truly a bad wife or just burned out from feeling alone in my marriage.