Can dreams/intrusive thoughts themselves be traumatizing?

I’ve been diagnosed by multiple professionals with CPTSD for context. I don’t really have a lot of memories of my childhood or teen years though and I’m still in denial I guess about my diagnosis. My therapist has mentioned emotional neglect and some other various events as contributing factors.

But to be honest, when I think about those things they don’t *feel* traumatic.

What does feel traumatic to me is the horrific & extremely detailed nightmares, sleep paralysis experiences, and intrusive thoughts I have had since I was a child.

‼️ TW for this next part for describing some of my dreams/sleep paralysis: (Violence, SA)

I have had many vivid and realistic dreams where I am shot or stabbed and feel the bullets/blood/pain. These nightmares are so painful that I wake up in pain and the whole day I feel thrown off by the experience. I have had sleep paralysis all of my life where I wake up unable to move and although I am awake I am hallucinating things in the room and hallucinating excruciating pain. I can’t stress enough how real these things feel to me and how painful they are. Many times during sleep paralysis I have physically felt something r*ping me, it feels extremely painful and extremely real. I also have OCD and get intrusive thoughts of horrific images/scenes. Things that I can’t get out of my head but are distressing to think about.

When I think about my childhood, I can’t think of anything real that feels traumatic, but what feels traumatic is that as long as I can remember I have been absolutely tortured by my brain, and it feels like my brain is what’s traumatizing me.

Anyone else relate? Idk.