I'm just not really sure why I'm still here

I know the obvious answer, because I just haven't done it yet. It just seems like way too much energy to drag myself all the way to the train station or swallow all those pills. All I seem to have the energy or motivation to do is lie around and distract myself all day. I even got booted from my online course because I simply haven't logged in or done anything for that long. I honestly can't see any way out. Seriously, no matter what I do, all I can seem to do well is draw and cut myself. I don't have the motivation to do anything with my art, all the shit is AI now anyways. So why tf am I here writing a vent post on Reddit of all places that exactly 0 real people will read? I dont know. To make myself feel better about ignoring my therapist I guess.