it’s really hitting me that I’ll never see him again.

he left with a few days notice. I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye. he moved several hours away so there’s not even a chance we‘ll bump into each-other at the grocery store. I will. never. see. him. again.

sitting here crying. part of me wishes he didn‘t care and that I was nobody to him.

but he said he loved me as a friend. I know that he cared so much, he expressed it in many ways, and I couldn‘t verbalize my feelings at all. all I want to do is reach out but i know that’s not helpful for my delusional mind. I just want him to know that I think the world of him, that I don’t judge him for what he did in the past.. I still care about him. I wish I was mature enough to be able to maintain a connection with him. instead…. nothing.

:(