Wallflower

Dear friend,

I am writing in this in a similar style to my favourite book, the perks of being a wallflower. I realise that I have not really taken the time to check in with myself lately and writing is definitely a method I strongly approve of. No clue how long this letter will be but I will just go with the flow. Thank you in advance for reading.

How am I doing? I am doing great actually, though there could always be room for improvements. I am coming to the end of therapy now and the medication is still working for us, although, I am questioning if perhaps the dosage needs to be upped slightly. I can feel myself dipping into states of lethargy lately, I cannot understand the reason for lack of motivation but nonetheless it is there. As therapy has taught me, sometimes we just need to sit in the emotion. I just worry it is becoming more frequent than not. Do you have an opinion on this?

Let’s talk about strengths. I am far more outgoing and confident than I think I have ever been. I take care of myself and I put myself first. Since the events of earlier this year I have acquired more tattoos and piercings, I have changed my hair, got new glasses, tried out treatments at the beauty salon. It’s great! And I don’t feel guilty for treating myself. I am much kinder to myself now, I don’t overthink as much and I actually like myself. I am a great person. I recently passed my driving test and I just bought my first car so that is exciting! I’m sure you’d be happy for me.

Despite things being pleasant I do admit I still struggle with the feeling of loneliness. I love my friends, I think they’re great ! But there aren’t many and I don’t see them as frequently as I like. Do you have the same feeling? I tried exploring casual connections with people but as dating apps usually are, they can cause you to slip into a cycle of feeling down. I concluded from the amount of pointless conversations with people and rudeness that I might actually want something serious with someone. However, I do not feel as though I could find that on a dating app. Truth be told, I am not sure I am even ready for a relationship.

Therapy may be coming to an end but I do realise I still have many things to work on to better myself but I’m sure you know that too. Due to past experiences, trust is really hard and I struggle to believe anyone is genuine in their feelings. I also seem to have developed high standards that I realise may be limiting my pool of potentials significantly. I mean, we’re all for self love right ?! But I understand that having such high expectations is also how I can prevent letting people in. I’m sure I’ll meet the right person when I’m supposed to, I just have little hope in this generation.

I appreciate you reading my letter, it has been a while. I’m sure I’ll write again soon.

Signed,
Me.