It's not your fault that you picked up a parasite

You can't help it if you go for a nice walk in the wilds and pick up a tick. You can't help it if a mosquito bites you. You can't help it if your dog picks up fleas from another dog in the fields. All you can do is say 'damn, I need to get rid of that!' and take action, without labelling yourself as problematic/dirty/infested etc.

A narcissist is a parasite. I have a mental image for this. Little cute insect that finds a dripped bit of food that's landed on your hand, and sits eating it, waving its cute little antennae around, sucking the sugar, and you happily watch it. Sweet. You're both happy, and you think your little buddy is adorable. You take photos, you give it a name, you post it on social media. After a while, it's finished what's on the surface of your skin, and starts to scratch deeper. It's uncomfortable, so you start to try to brush it off. It resists, and scratches harder and harder. Eventually you say 'Ow, you little fucker, get off me! That hurt!!' and at that point, pincers pop out and dig into your skin. Now it's sucking the sugar from your blood. You are uncomfortable, but if you don't disturb it, it doesn't squeeze the pincers, so it doesn't hurt.

And that's it. That's the trauma bond. The parasite sucks, and you can't remove it without ripping a part of your own flesh off. If you try, it causes you pain. If you let it drink your blood without disturbing it, that's the path of least pain for you, but ultimately, the most damaging, because it will drain you dry.

The 'blood' the narcissist is drinking is validation. They want it all, and don't care how much you have left, or how much you need for yourself. Once you dry up, they will drop off like a tick, and go and feed elsewhere.

It's absolutely fucking disgusting, but a useful image to help us understand that this isn't about us, or our failings, or our personalities, or our mistakes. You can't know when you see that cute little thing at the start. You can't see that it has any pincers. You don't know it's a parasite, and you can't know: None of this was your fault. All you can do is step away from people as soon as you realise they are draining you.