Regrets & hair loss

I was on T for 4 months when I was 20 and stopped for multiple reasons, one of them was hair loss. I'm back on T now, at 23, and not even a month in I'm losing A LOT of hair. Like, I think I'll be a NW 3 before my 3 months.

I'm gonna try with topical finasteride but I'm pretty sure it won't work, because last time even with oral dut (the most powerful) I was still losing hair. That means that a lot of masculinization effects will get slower or not happen at all, like facial hair, bottom growth, fat redistribution, etc.

I feel a lot of regrets. I think that if I had transitioned earlier, I could have got a few years of masculinization before having to start dut, and it wouldn't have been that bad. Or maybe if I just never stopped T at least I had those 4 months, because all the masculinization effects obviously went away after 3 years, even my voice. Why the fuck didn't I transition earlier. Why didn't I come out at 11, when I first knew I was trans. I waited for so many years and fucked up my entire body, goddammit.

I feel defeated. I am already short, have wide hips and do not pass. I don't even know if T is gonna make me pass, maybe it will just make me ugly. It feels like I have to choose between living as a man or keeping my hair. I'm gonna choose the first one because I cannot live like this anymore, but damn it's hard. My hair has always been a big part of me, everyone loves it and comments on it, and I think it's like 90% of my looks. Seems like no matter what I choose I'll be unhappy.