Stupid ass vent

Im 15 and im not good with words, i doubt anyone will see this but its nice to type it out. I dont know if i have depression and i dont necessarily wanna say i do to undermine the people who do have it, but i did try killing myself and failed miserably and ended up with a sprained ankle, i lied to my mom and told her that i fell down the stairs but really i tried jumping off the roof. I used to cry myself to sleep alot but now i dont cry, i sometimes wish for bad things to happen to me so i can cry. Like hurting myself or losing a family member or close friend, pretty bad thinking and i think im a bad person for this. My family tells me they'll hear me out if i speak to them but i cant. I genuinely cant, they just do get it even when i try, its really hard to express it. I feel lonely as hell like i cant talk to anyone about how i feel. And when people say "but you have friends?" I dont know how to tell them i still feel lonely and i cant speak to anyone. Theres more stuff other than loneliness but i cant put them into words, i guess i feel worthless and unwanted. People say its not true but i cant help but feel it, i get left out alot by people around me, intentionally and not intentionally. This became somewhat long but i seriously just needed this shit out my system.