Advice

Hey guys, looking a bit of advice regarding being ghosted by a likely avoidant during dating. Should note I’ve been ghosted before but this one feels different.

I’m relatively new to serious dating with mostly flings/situationships during college. She came out of a 4 year relationship last summer.

For BG I’m a 25M who had been talking to a 25F for just 3 weeks. Met on hinge before moving to instagram and everything just seemed to click instantly. Same sense of humour, several mutuals, similar interests. We would’ve talked all day and all night to sleep and conversation just flowed so easy with flirting and playful teasing.

This led to 2 great in person dates.

Had originally planned a first date around 7 days after moving to ig but we decided to expedite this a couple of days. First one we spent hours in the car just chatting, before her coming round to my house a couple of days later because my parents were away (she suggested this). No sexual activity but cuddling, kisses etc.

Everything felt so right and to be honest I probably let my guard down here and got very attached because I thought she felt the same way. I would’nt normally catch feelings for someone like this so early but she really felt special to me and I was really excited to where this was going.

First minor argument a couple of days later over me being the one always texting first and minor power games (asking me to follow her and she can follow back instead of her following me). To be honest at this point she was a bit rude and said she didn’t owe me a text because it was all new. Fair enough but hurt. She also did explain she can be a slow burner and I will learn her weird ways. I somewhat took her word for it because of my feelings and I wanted her back on my side.

Had planned a third date - a walk just a couple of days after but she cancelled morning of due to work stuff (she had mentioned she was quite busy earlier in the week so no big deal) I did ask her to be the one to reschedule though and she gave a vague time of “sometime early next week”. She explained her busy weekend - more on this later.

Continued as normal for the next day or so before I noticed the replies dropping off, not asking questions etc. it came to the weekend and she reposted a story of her out with her sister drinking a cocktail whilst leaving me on delivered for >8 hours. she had told me she was busy that evening having to leave her brother to the airport).

Eventually tried to match her energy but it’s hard when you feel for someone that way. She ended up leaving me on delivered for 3 days before reading it and not replying.

During the next days I was at a loss and questioning what I did wrong. I admittedly looked into attachment styles and self diagnosed her with avoidant attachment. I am most definitely anxious attached.

After a week, I messaged her again explaining I was disappointed on how things were left with me and with the lack of communication. She replied pretty quickly with the “it’s not you it’s me, I didn’t realise it at the time but I’m not ready for anything serious.” I just liked the message. Now she had mentioned before that the reason she got hinge was when she was with her friends for a joke before matching with me. This was a couple of days ago.

What makes it really difficult for me personally is the sudden switch up. The night before the shift in her energy she was telling me about her previous therapy due to anxiety and how she can go into isolation states. I should note I’m from a medical background so not sure if this was the reason.

I’m just struggling to move on to be honest. Have been talking to other girls but it doesn’t have the same feel. On the one hand I am trying to move on with the attitude of “if she wanted me she would be talking to me” but I am just finding it so difficult due to the spark I had for her.

Part of me feels like this will be the “one that got away” but I don’t want to wait for nothing or to be hurt again.

Just looking advice regarding this? Thanks