Faith and doubt

Hello, I wanted to post here because I feel like my thoughts about God and faith are very unclear, and maybe someone can relate or answer.

I was introduced to Jesus from childhood. My mom is Christian and used to take me to church. Honestly, as a kid I mostly enjoyed going because of the food and being around people. My dad is Hindu and never really liked Christianity much, so religion was always a mixed environment at home.

Growing up, I would go to church sometimes for my mom and attend a few retreats with her, but I never truly felt connected to God or had a strong desire to know Him deeply. I believed in Jesus, or at least I thought I did, but most of my prayers were only when I needed something — exams, sports, success, things like that.

Life was mostly smooth. One thing I still remember is falling from the first floor of a building as a child and somehow not even getting a scratch. Moments like that made me feel maybe God really protected me.

Then I moved to the USA for my master’s. I started drinking, watching adult content, and slowly I started feeling constant uneasiness and guilt inside. Because of that, I started going to church every Sunday for the last 2 years. I pray, I listen, and I try to follow God in some way.

But recently I’ve been getting more and more questions in my mind.

Why was Jesus born only in one place and not somewhere else in the world?

If God loves everyone equally, why do some people suffer so much while others are blessed?

Why doesn’t God just appear clearly and say “I am God”?

Is life already planned by Him, or do we create our own path?

Is religion only for weak people? Because I see many people from other religions or no religion doing completely fine in life.

And honestly, I’ve never fully read the Bible. Mostly I read Psalms, daily Bible app verses, and listen to sermons at church. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe miracles like the sea splitting or multiplying bread into more food.

I don’t know if these thoughts mean I’m losing faith or if this is part of searching for faith for real for the first time.