I feel that my mom suffers because of my abuse, even more than I do.

Well, for context, my godmother raped me for about 12 years, and before that my godmother was a very good friend of my mom. Later I found out that my godmother was a lesbian and maybe she was in love with my mom. But my mom is totally heterosexual. I understand that my godmother didn't even try to get close to her in that way, or I don't know, but anyway, my mom had postpartum depression after having me, So she left me in the care of my godmother. I have to say something, I have an older brother and my godmother never took care of him like she did of me, and I was bathed, dressed, and fed by her. My mom says I even came to believe that my godmother was my mother, And this is why I feel so bad, I feel like I ruined my mom's friendship with my godmother, and my mom feels very guilty for neglecting me, and she feels even worse because my godmother told her ""She's had those eyes of yours since she was born, isn't that a reflection of when you left me to get married?" And my mom thinks those features could have caused her to touch me in inappropriate ways. Well, my mom exploded one day when my godmother called me hers, but she said that since she had slept with me, I was completely hers, and my mom is very upset about the fact that it was her friend who did it, What can I do to help her?