The Cage

What to do when your strength becomes your weakness? I used to love my alone time. I thrived there. It's where I grew up. My mom would drag me from dope house to dope house. Chasing her high. I'd be put on a couch left to myself. This only happened for a year and a half but it felt like an eternity. When she wasn't with me, she had left me somewhere. Forgot me at school. So I spent a lot of time daydreaming. Usually of some amazing career or a relationship is what I would get lost in. Love essentially. Now it feels different. I no longer thrive here and instead of become a prisoner trapped in it. It's consumed me. The worst part, I'm also the warden. See, when you spend your life being abandoned and forgotten, especially by your own mother, it makes you want to push people away. You push and push until they leave because you've been trained to know that they will leave. Eventually they all do. I've been left, forgotten, I've lost loved ones to jail and death. It doesn't matter how they go when the fact is that they left. Makes it hard to make friends. It feels impossible to find romance. Man would I love to find romance though. A best friend. Making blankets forts to fuck in all weekend. Curling up into him after a rough day. A partner. Someone to help carry the heavy shit and bask in the dark humor of a woman who has been done dirty by life so many times that crying comes with laughter.