Realized my 60+ mom can’t really function as a full mature adult. She can’t plan anything ahead of time as simple as a dinner reservation at a restaurant, doesn’t drive on the highway at all (never did), and struggles to hold a conversation with other adults

Love my mom but over time I have realized how not normal my parents were growing up. They seemed normal when I was a kid because I didn’t know better. But they basically just let me figure out life on my own 95% of the time growing up.

My older sister I suspect had undiagnosed mild autism but can’t be sure as of course they never got her therapy or anything even when she struggled socially in high school and failed out of freshman year of college because she was afraid to leave her room. But that’s a whole other thing.

My sister is now 40 and lives across the country and doesn’t understand how to keep in regular contact with her family. My parents spiral that she was murdered regularly because they don’t hear from her months on end. Instead of calling her and being direct like “hey haven’t heard from you for the holidays just want to make sure you’re ok” they call me in a panic telling me to call her. My mom is basically scared of my sister and honestly I don’t think she knows how to be a mother. She is afraid if she’s direct my sister will just never speak to her again. I recently told my parents I’m done parenting my adult sister FOR them.

Ever since this incident I can barely stand my mother. We previously had an ok relationship until I went to therapy. Now I’m completely angry and bitter over all my mom’s shortcomings. Now as an adult I feel like I’m being treated as my mother’s mom and so frustrated by her inability to function in society beyond going to her job and doing housework. Anything else she cannot handle. She does all tasks last minute and can’t even drive herself to my home. I suspect my mom has been depressed my whole life and this “last minute” for any tasks like buying Christmas gifts, scheduling doctors appointment comes from that.

My question is how do I get over this anger? Being around her now makes my blood boil I almost wish I hadn’t gone to therapy in the first place because previously I blamed myself and had not self esteem. Now I’m just pissed off at her. Anyone have something similar? How did you get past it?