I cowardly gave in

I'm a 32 year old female married to a narc in Mexico city, about a month ago I gained courage and told him we should separate cause this wasn't working out. After this he completely stopped talking to me.

Yesterday our 6 year old son told him we might be leaving back to the u.s, he broke the ice treatment and confronted me saying that if I took his son there would be big problems, that he would've expected that I at least spoke up about this and did things the right way, that he couldn't believe me anymore that I'm just like my mom and he should've known I was a fake since the beginning, after all of this said he started taking about our relationship asking why I wanted this after so many years of being together, I told him the whoooole truth, I told him about the girl I found messages with, what he responded to that was "you never want to go out with me anymore, but I didn't go out with her I just told her but we didn't go out" he started crying, he hugged me, told me to not leave him, at the beginning I said "no, that won't be a good idea for us being together again" he literally stopped crying, like tears disappeared right when I said that ( I mean I'm not even able to do that, when I start crying I can't stop just like that) he said "ok, well you were just teasing me then, your so cold and heartless" he started talking nonsense again and I confessed to him that I haven't been happy for a while, that I needed space, cause Im not happy anymore, Like I can't feel that sense of happiness in my mind, or in my body I mean I don't even have sex appeal or desire towards him nor anyone, I can't find happiness in anything that im doing, he hugged me again and begged for a second chance, that's when I gave in, I broke down crying and said yes, I'll give another chance, I was so angry this morning at myself for giving in, but also got me thinking "do I want to leave the country cause I think I'll be happy there, is he really the problem or is the problem in me? Should I find happiness in me before leaving the country