I need advice. PLEASE. Hear me out.

Hello everyone, I don't usually post on here. But I really need advice.
I'm kind of losing hope, but I will explain my situation as best as I could.
This is a long post, so I would appreciate your time in helping me out—my mind is open! 😄

I am fairly a beginner at Manifestation. I started learning it the same reason a lot of people did, which is manifesting an SP.

Long story short, my SP and I have been in no contact for 3 months, and I've been manifesting him back ever since. And honestly, my circumstances with my SP is actually not bad at all. We didn't end on bad terms, and we still have each other added on all social media.

At first, I used to waver alot and kept constantly checking the 3d. I always argued with him in my head and kept bringing up the old story.
Overtime, the more I researched about it, the more I changed my habits.
I stopped wavering and learned how to be on a mental diet.
I would still overthink and get bad thoughts every now and then, but I didn't let it consume me.

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Pertaining to the methods I used are Robotic Affirmations, Scripting, Visualizing, and Listening to Subliminals.
(And yes, I know that methods don't manifest, I do)

I would Robotically Affirm majority of the time. I'd use it to affirm away the negative thoughts and would just use it for everything in general.
When I first started, I was inconsistent with subliminals, and I feel like a mistake that I've been doing was changing my subliminals constantly instead of just sticking to one. But for the past couple of weeks, I did stay consistent, and recently I started listening to the same set of subliminals every day. I would barely visualize, because I attempted doing SATS, and always ended up falling asleep. And I only started scripting recently.

I will admit I would constantly check the 3d. I would always check his Tiktok reposts, and I'd check to see if he posted anything on his Instagram notes.

One thing I always struggled was "staying in the state" or "living in the wish fulfilled". Because even if I knew that my feelings don't manifest, I still thought that staying in the state meant FEELING it. But the thing is, since I'm kind of like numb most of the time, it was hard for me to imagine the feeling of having my desire. But then, it only ever clicked in my head, LIKE ACTUALLY CLICKED to me what being in the state meant.

I engraved it in my head that my feelings don't manifest, my dominant thoughts do. That the 3d was only the reflection of my inner thoughts. And the shift has to happen first INTERNALLY, then the 3d will catch up to you.
That's how Identity also clicked for me. I am not my thoughts, but I am the awareness behind it. I have millions of thoughts every day, but I am the thought whom I CHOOSE TO IDENTIFY AS, and that's what'll reflect.

I realized that staying in the state meant EMBODYING the version of you that already has your desire and PERSISTING in that assumption.

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Y'all, I know I'm about to sound a bit self-contradictory here but please hear me out.

I kind of crashed out at the fact I didn't have my desire yet. I felt like I was doing everything I could, and yet nothing was showing up. I felt so demotivated and felt like quitting. And I did start doubting manifestation & LOA in general—although I did try and build my belief by manifesting small things. I was frustrated because there was no movement in the 3d, there was also just silence.

But at the same time I also knew that silence in the 3d was good, in a way that the circumstances could've gotten worse, but it only stayed silent. And I also knew that there's ALWAYS MOVEMENT behind the scenes, even when I can't see it. (And yes, I shouldn't rely on the 3d). But y'all I was just so tired and started thinking that what if none of this is actually real, and I just look like a dumbass manifesting her ex back.

Like DAMN. People are out here manifesting their ex with the HORRIBLE—and I mean HORRIBLE circumstances, involving 3Ps & moving to another country and way worse things. MY CIRCUMSTANCES ARE LITERALLY SO CHILL, WE ENDED THINGS OKAY, AND STILL HAVE EACH OTHER ADDED ON EVERYTHING. AND I CAN'T EVEN GET A TEXT?

LIKE IF THEY CAN DO IT, WHAT MAKES ME THINK I CAN'T?
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What I made my routine was that I would robotically affirm to saturate my mind. I recreated the new version of me, my sp, and our relationship through scripting. I would visualize the scenario of him texting me before I went to sleep. And I'd listen to subliminals overnight. I also did work on my self-concept. Although I was on and off with detaching and obsessing with the results, ngl. But I constantly reminded myself that my desire has no choice but to happen. I barely waver, and I'd just affirm when I do.
I actually feel kind of better now compared to before. And by that I mean, I feel like I've been more locked in. Most of the time I feel neutral & confident in knowing that I will get my desire no matter what. It's just that the doubts are there lingering. I can still feel a small shift, internally.

Y'all I'm sorry for sounding kinda self-aware yet so self-contradictory. I've been trying to persist for so long. People say that manifesting an SP, yet alone rekindling communication again is so easy to do. And I know that manifesting shouldn't be that hard. Maybe I am just complicating it for myself.

Thank you for reading all this, anyone care to slap some advice to my face? 😂