Are you Ostracized by your Family for acknowledging the dysfunctional parenting?

Do you often get the feeling that you're loved but also barely tolerated by your family of origin? That they don't appreciate your truth telling about the family dysfunctions ? That they rather revel and bond in gossip about the misery and dysfunction of others ? and when you're not around do the same about you? That your own parents and siblings don't believe that you're capable of success in either career or relationships ? Where indirect communication through a jolly facade of fun and pleasentry is their jam and vulnerability is ignored ? Is it strange I never liked being around them?

Do you often wonder how much of your suffering was due to your cognitive dysfunction and how much your parent's reponse to that dysfunction ? What conclusion did you come to?

And do you often blame yourself for your own trauma bc you're gaslighted so often by your family you don't know of the abuse was real ? Are these dynamics relatable ?

I often need to recheck my sanity through posts like these after visiting them to be sure I'm not being gaslit again, as isolating myself from them only backfires in strengthening their beliefs about me. Going 'no contact' is quite impossible with my family as I can't escape their guiltripping grasp, it seems like the Scapegoat needs to be kept around to prove that my parents are not at fault.

I (m48) still have this innate drive to redo college, get my bachelors have a stable career and maybe even have a family of my own, but how 'bad' is it that it's also validation seeking from a family system that never recognized you as capable person?

I had a good stable childhood on the surface, but in my culture criticizing your parents for any abuse was equal to social exclusion, parents were beyond reproach, your success equals your parents solid parenting, your failure is all your own fault. They will gaslight you till you believe your Bad your Bad you know it.... but they still love you regardless ;)